Fear

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

The fear of the unknown, finding truth in God’s strength.  For someone like me, who likes to be in constant control of every situation, the unknown is anxiety provoking.  Growing up with severe scoliosis, there were many unknowns about my state of health.  There were many questions my parents had when I was diagnosed at age 2; and as a child, when years of wearing a brace daily did not stop my spine’s determination to curve, there were even more fears.  I had my first surgery at age 12 when my spine was 80 degrees curved.  The operation was with many complications, leading to the rejection of instrumentation to stop my spine from curving more.  At age 17, a medieval-appearing traction device was screwed into my skull and weights were used to stretch my spine; this was all in preparation for a highly risky two-part spinal fusion to correct my then 112 degree curvature.  The morning of surgery part one, I remember an enormous amount of fear with an overshadowing feeling of peace.  The surgeries were a week apart, both lasting about 10 hours long.  Neither were without complications, and neither was the recovery.  For me, the recovery was where my strength was truly tested.  I had to give up my need for control to the grace of God and trust that he would provide me with the courage and power to recover.  That peace I felt on the morning of my surgery was God’s right hand on me, and was the same feeling I had throughout my recovery.  God gave me a boost up by providing peace in the midst of a challenging recovery, and even despite many setbacks along the way, his hand was always present.

Every day brings its own set of challenges, yet whether big or small, God is reaching out his right hand to provide us strength.   There are many unknowns and fears I still have as an adult.  What I do know is, when I release my desire to control, and give God my burdens, he takes away these fears and provides strength to power on.  So a challenge to all, give up your fears of the unknown and things you try to control to God, and feel the comfort of his right hand holding you up.

Elizabeth/ Physician’s Assistant/ Atlanta, Georgia